I used to have trouble admitting when I didn’t know something. I followed the long-time tradition of many a man that simply made something up and hoped they were right. Who cares the consequence or mess that was left behind.
That’s why we don’t ask for directions and we don’t need instructions. We can figure out the modern marvels of engineering without the help of technical documentation. It's in Men’s DNA.
Why is this such a chest puffing thing for boys and men? I started thinking about that question just the other day.
Men, at least most of them, go through this weird phase where they have to prove themselves. Then eventually, like me, you get old…er?
I went through this as most men do. It could be considered a right of passage. For instance, we will see a set of plans, instructions, or head out to explore. Before long though we find ourselves in that all too familiar open mouth, insert foot, moment.
These moments are where boys and men are separated. Boys out of fearful pride, double down and, what was once easily answered by asking for help or reading the directions, becomes the catalyst for a fight or puts them and others in danger.
Men however, understand that pride should never block progress. It is hard for a boy to admit that he doesn't know. He doesn't want to let those around him down. However, once you're older, its easier to to admit that you don't know or, that you need help because your priorities change. You can see the bigger picture and that by not asking for help or following the directions is when you are letting down those around you.
The drive may take longer, or the bed may collapse beneath one of your kids, or they pull a book shelf over, or conveniently the brakes on your car fail. These things haven't happened to me thankfully but there are so many stories, memes, and legal cases because someone simply didn't take the time to read the directions.
These things are put there for us because, much like the stories handed down from one generation to the next, someone made that mistake. Someone decided to work on their laptop, plugged in, while taking a bath. The consequences were detrimental. That would be why there is a warning...in the manual that men toss aside, that says don't use in the bath. They are giving us the opportunity to learn from others mistakes.
Then you get older and you read the manuals, you use your GPS, and lose that stubborn chest puffing and learn from other mistakes only to move right into the next stage of manhood. Mr. I can do it all. There isn't a single project out there that we can't tackle. We read the manuals and watched the YouTube videos so now we are experts.
We are all guilty of this too and we fail a lot, and then a lot more. Eventually, we gain the skills necessary to complete projects with relative ease but at what cost? While the initial investment may be more than you were expecting. The long-term gains out-weigh that investment.
This is how we grow as a society, men explore, experiment, build and, fail, then fail some more, until they don't. Then we are travelling to the moon, driving in cars, and communicating by wire. This is all well and good, but even we need to know when to take a back seat and let someone else build it.
My wife recently sent me a meme that speaks to this fact.
We need to learn to prioritize what we can build and what we should build. Just because you can build it doesn't necessarily mean you should build it. I struggle with this. The above video isn't too far off from how I look at things when we go to a craft store. Thankfully my wife is patient and understanding, and gentle in her nudging me out of building everything.
It's not that she doubts my ability but rather that she is realistic in how much time I truly have. Many of us myself included at time read this in a very narrow way. Initially we think to ourselves she doesn't think I can do it. She doubts me.
The reality of it is, that she simply knows that a full time job, you volunteered to help others, coaching soccer, and a ton of little projects that you want to get to around the house, doesn't allow time for you to make the shelf for the mugs. You need to prioritize, plan and most importantly listen to your partner who has your best interest at heart.
She knows that you if you let the squeaky gate go one more week you are going to lose your mind. So, buy the shelf and fix the gate.
Commentaires